My New Years' Resolutions...

Yeah, so I'm late. It's nothing new. I'm late for everything. Which kicks off the list at number...

10. Get my butt where I'm going ON TIME
My mother drives me absolutely insane with her punctuality, and I often wonder if I became a late person on purpose to make her mad when I was a rebellious teen. This has been on my resolution list several years running and although I have improved, I still run late. This time, I am going to make an A-team effort to be on time if for no other reason than to set a good example for my daughters.

9. Make all decisions based on fact rather than emotion
Stop and think about this. How many times are we all guilty of jumping to conclusions before we have facts or data to back up our opinion? A wise person told me yesterday that we are ALL judgemental because judgements can be both positive and negative. Intuitively, we are judging a person or situation mentally even if our mouths do not say it. It's my job though, as a good person, to talk myself out of making a snap decision about anyone or anything until I have thought it through.

8. Run a half marathon
This had to be on here, even though I was training before the new year. Four years ago, I couldn't run to my fridge without breathing heavy (I spent a LOT of time in my fridge four years ago) and now I am running six miles without missing a breath or beat. My knee is killing me, the treadmill is boring, and my mind runs away with me, but I WILL run that half marathon if it kills me. My childhood best friend and I made a vow to run it together so run it I will do. Then I am finished with long distance running.

7. Arrange a fight with Gina Carano
I'm pretty sure I'm tough, but I'm too prissy to actually allow myself to potentially incur bodily harm. But I figure, if I'm going to find out if I'm tough, might as well be against the best. And she's hot so I want a picture with her.

6. Re-establish the Adorables reward system
We have had a few over the years. Marbles in a jar (glass jars broke) chart stickers (the stickers ended up on walls, beds, everywhere but the chart) Check lists (black sharpies = no removal), etc. Our morning routine is hectic, stressful, and has strayed too far into chaos for my liking. Starting tomorrow, there will be notecards taped near the clock that read what time they need to be ready to go. For Dani, because she can't tell time yet, and she is my problem child in the morning. All duties complete on time, checkmark towards weekly allowance. Three minutes past the window, lose the checkmark. Five minutes past the window is bed early.

5. Move or devise a plan to move
We have lived in our current location for four years. It's been comfortable, safe, enjoyable, and it's the place we started our new little family, me and the girls. There is an emotional attachment as well as fear of something new, but we have officially outgrown our space and the girls want their own rooms. And if we have a yard, I'll need a lawn boy and have you seen lawn boys these days? Yes. We're moving.

4. Spend more time with my extended family
I see my mom ALL the time, but I don't see the rest of my family near enough, as we all have busy lives. I need to make the effort to spend more time with the people I love.

3. Cook turkey cabbage rolls
I have developed this sick obsession with cabbage, and to date, have bought three heads of cabbage that rotted before I got to it. I am dying to concoct my own healthy version of cabbage rolls, and sometime this year, I will cook them. Finally. Geez.

2. Be patient
Patience might be a virtue, but I didn't get it. I got skipped when they were handing it out. Either that or I was moving too fast, as usual, and couldn't stnad in one place long enough to wait. It's literally amazing how patient and kind I can be in some situations, and a downright impatient drill sergeant in others. I am going to stop and remind myself that if I had to watch a video of my life, I'd want to make myself proud of my actions 99% of the time.

1. Learn to be a better partner
I am possibly the funnest date you'll ever have. I have been told I'm the coolest chick to hang out with. But try to make me your girlfriend, and suddenly I suck at life. I've been on my own too long, set in my ways, I like to control everything, and if you touch me while I'm cooking I will chop your arm off and toss it in the chili without missing a beat. (Gawd that made me laugh) I'm a work in progress.

Bonus:

* I am going to write a book

* I am going to drop 10 lbs just to see if I look too skinny at my driver's license weight when I was 16

* I am going to help my daughter become a soccer superstar

* I am going to find a pair of nude pumps, even if I have to go to the ends of the earth to find them, because I have looked EVERYWHERE!

* I am going to introduce myself to anyone I see consistently but haven't met. I did this at the gym recently and it felt really good.

* I am going to rock climb

* I am going to be there when Min Pin gets on the scale and sees her ultimate goal staring up at her

* I am going to remember that being smart, funny, and kind is way more important than being pretty. And keep reminding the Adorables weekly.

Should we allow our children to be obese?

This morning, coffee in one hand, oatmeal with protein powder and raisins in the other, I stumbled on this article about Michelle Obama's childhood obesity initiative.

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/is-it-okay-to-talk-about-your-daughters-weight-if-it-s-for-the-national-good-579635/

Our first lady unveiled her plan at a recent U.S. Conference of Mayors, asking for their help in attacking a dire issue facing our country. Not only is 50% of our general population expected to be obese in 10 years, but childhood obesity has tripled in the last 30 years.

Tripled. Meaning, like, tremendously super-sized itself. That's huge.

Our own Oklahoma City mayor, Mick Cornett, was singled out at the conference, for creating a website urging citizens to lose a million pounds, and then losing 40 of those pounds himself.

Another mayor was praised for building walkways, bicycle paths, anything to encourage children to be more active.

Our first lady, however, made a dire mistake when interviewed about her initiative. She said her family pediatrician raised concerns about her daughters' food choices and weight, and Obama used the word "diet" when describing the changes she made to ensure her daughters did not join 1/3 of the population's children who suffer from diabetes. Diet has such a negative connotation tied to it, but believe it or not, some of us live on a "diet". It's simply how we eat. It's our lifestyle. We enjoy it.

The horror. How dare this woman be concerned about the physical and emotional impact of her daughters being overweight, and how DARE her make healthier food choices for her family.

Children are being beaten, molested and neglected all over the United States, but critics and parents want to get up in arms over Michelle Obama's concern for her children's well-being?

When are we going to start holding parents accoutable for overfeeding their children and contributing to their health problems? Is that considered abuse?

What on EARTH is this world coming to?

I'll give you my very unpopular opinion on why people are so upset...

Because many people in our society don't WANT to make better food choices, they don't WANT to exercise, and it takes a heck of a lot of WORK to make our children healthier. Michelle Obama bringing this to light creates a lot more work for people and parents.

There are some legitimate concerns here.

"Obama bringing her daughters' weight into the public eye at such a tender age sets the stage for an eating disorder, and brings unneeded attention to them"

Valid. I'm not an eating disorder expert, but I have studied addiction enough to know it's usually a result of some serious emotional issues, and not because a mother decides to make healthier food choices for her kid.

And when SHOULD their weight be an issue for parents to notice? When they are in middle school, overweight, and being made fun of every day? Crying themselves to sleep because they don't fit in, kids are cruel, they can't keep up in gym class? When the doctor diagnoses them with diabetes at 16, or they are on blood pressure medication in high school? When as a grown woman they struggle constantly with their weight and have no tools to manage it because it was a free for all growing up?

Do I need to list the negatives of letting your child become overweight versus the negatives of making some healthy changes and talking to your child so they don't become overweight?

I love it when people make fun of me for my healthy food and lifestyle choices. I love it even more when they act as though I'm depriving my children because our house is virtually sugar free.

I talk to my girls about being healthy. They know which foods are bad for your body and which ones help you. They know it's dangerous to get too big. They also know, however, that it's never okay to call someone fat, or use the word fat, and they also know our physical appearance isn't the most important thing in this life.

I will never let them get overweight. Part of job as a parent is helping them be as emotionally and physically strong as I have become since I got in the best shape of my life. I want them to have that feeling their entire life. I want them to enter adulthood with nutritional knowledge and a love of being active so they never struggle the way most women do constantly obsessing about their weight. Or worse, dying at an early age because believe me, complications from obesity; lack of physical activity; and bad nutrition kills more people than anything else.

A strong body leads to a strong mind, and that ain't no joke folks.

Shame on the parents and critics who overanalyzed Michelle Obama's positive lifestyle changes and turned them into a negative simply because she didn't use the proper verbage. When are we going to start focusing our energy someplace useful?

Bite your tongue...

I am re-posting one of my favorite blogs I've ever written...

In "How to Win Friends and Influence People" Dale Carnegie discusses the fundamental ways to improve virtually any situation you are in that involves other people. The psychology behind his writing is fascinating, and when applied, really works.

Do not criticize, condemn, or complain

Al Capone, Chicago's most sinister gang leader, once said about himself, "I have spent the best years of my life giving people the lighter pleasures, helping them have a good time, and all I get is abuse, the existence of a hunted man."

Lewis Lawes, warden of New York's infamous Sing Sing Prison for many years, said...

"Few criminals ever regard themselves as bad men. They are just as human as everyone else. So they rationalize, explain, they can tell you why they had to crack a safe or pull the trigger. Most of them attempt by a form of fallicious or logical reasoning, to justify their anti-social acts even to themselves."

Carnegie points out that if hardened criminals don't blame themselves for anything, why would the ordinary people you and I come into contact with ever think they do anything wrong?

Cause everyone in prison is innocent. Those effing gloves DID fit! (haha)

Criticism of another person is futile, because it puts a person on the defensive and makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment.

And most often, the situation or person we are criticizing doesn't change, but resents us instead. The truth is, we are all human. We're not robots that can program ourselves to go against what is imbedded inside us, and most people walking around have never given any thought to making themselves better. Which means a large percentage of the population does things without giving a second thought to why they shouldn't, or how it affects the people around them. Scary thought.

I remember being at a softball game once next to a mother putting coke in her toddler's bottle. Another mother next to me went on a rant for five minutes about how wrong this other mother was, and how she'd like to just "give her a piece of my mind!" I'm not perfect, but I knew coke bottle mommy was not going to stop and reconsider, but get very defensive about someone criticizing her parenting skills, verbally attack, and continue to put coke in her toddler's bottle.

Raise your hand if you think other people value your opinion as much as you value your opinion?

Nope. They have a readily available list of 101 reasons why their behavior is justified and another 51 reasons why you are the one who has issues. Ever noticed, too, that when you criticize someone, YOU are the one who ends up being ridiculed? I always ask myself before I open my mouth, did me criticizing change the situation? No. And does their choice affect my life either way? No. And did I feel better afterwards? No.

We justify, and usually retaliate when criticized in the wrong manner. And we spend so much energy focusing on explaining ourselves, we don't have any left to look at the issue which was brought to light.

Carnegie says that instead of condemning people, we should try to understand them. Try to figure out why they do the things they do. Understanding instead of condemning breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.

Have you ever made a list of your emotional triggers and then made an attempt to avoid them rather than subject yourself and get upset?

It's easy to be judgemental, critical, and negative, and it takes work to remove yourself from a situation and try to understand. We typically judge that which we do not understand...but we grow from learning from those different than us. Agreeing and understanding do not have to be the same.

It's a learned behavior that we all fail at sometimes. Get up, and try again.

"Any fool can criticize, condemn, or complain, and most fools do."

12 reasons I am difficult to date

I have been single four years. In that time, I've had a couple of meaningful relationships, lots of fun short-lived flings, first dates, bad dates, and many first dates that WERE bad dates. We have already covered all the reasons I love being single, but someday I hope to find to find my twisted fairy tale.

Meanwhile, I have compliled a pretty good mental checklist of what I like and hate about men; what I cannot live without; and areas I am willing to compromise.

But to be fair, before I one day blog about this perfect-for-me man, I'll tell you why it's just almost impossible to date me.

(Did I mention the rewards far outweigh this list?)

12. I eat really healthy most days, and I enjoy forcing my love of healthy food on the people around me. "Come on just taste it, I promise it's really good!" My house is void of chips, soda, a way to fry anything...our butter is fake spray, syrup and jelly is sugar free, and there are no salt shakers allowed. You will not be cooking bacon on my stove. Ever. Ew.

11. I bounce off the walls like a ping pong ball, and I want the man in my life to hop along with me. Sometimes I enjoy laying in bed watching movies all day, but most of the time I thrive on being busy, active, and productive. I seem to operate better at high speed, and if you move too slow I won't wait.

10. I am a big playful kid at heart, so my life involves a LOT of kid stuff. Swinging on monkey bars, playing soccer, making my dream house out of play-doh, playing go-fish, finger painting the kitchen floor, slumber parties, fashion shows, swimming pool in the summer, zoo in hot weather. If you don't like kids, you will not like me. And I'll wipe my sticky hands all over your face to make sure.

9. I won't have much time for you, unless you can incorporate into my life somehow. I am a mommy to two very active little girls. I am involved in their school, have a full-time job, train three nights per week at the gym, and I work out like a nut. Someone who demands too much of me or needs me to feel complete...feels like a noose around my neck. *gasp*

8. I am a neat freak and always cleaning. I don't care that I have two kids who mess it up as soon as I clean it, I like to clean up after we are done making the mess. I was a slob for a long time and I like being clean a heck of a lot better. This will never change.

7. I have literally the worst PMS a man has ever seen. Three days before Eve ate the apple, I grow horns and try to destroy anything in my path. I will cry over something ridiculous, act like chicken little when the sky was falling, and I'll inevitably be upset over something idiotic. I'm working on it, but until I get my insides removed, pay attention to the calendar and stay out.of.my.way for three days.

6. I am a social butterfly, slightly flirtacious, and you'll get sick of running into people I know.

5. I absolutely cannot stand anyone touching me while I am cooking. The man and woman hugging and dry humping through the clothes while she's holding a spatula and wearing her apron? Yeah, that crap only happens in the movies. Trust me.

4. I change my haircolor constantly. Some men wish I'd pick one and stick with it, and others feel like they're dating a new woman every month.

3. There are times when I talk so much I get sick of my own voice. Especially during movies and football games. I literally have to remind myself to take a breath before I pass out.

2. Being a personal trainer, I will talk fitness, demonstrate new exercises I have learned on you, brag on clients, and flex my muscles so much I want to tell myself to shut up. And because I know how great being in shape feels, I have a tendency to think a man is a wimp if he doesn't work out. Especially if his biceps are smaller than mine or I can outrun him. (Which, seriously, I usually can.)

1. I will almost always end up better friends with his friends than he is. And when we break up, I keep the friendships.

P.S. I conveniently forgot to mention I am a pugilist. Which means I like to hit people. And if you hit me back, I pout.

Disclaimer: Because I am a woman, I reserve the right to change my mind about anything, anywhere, anytime. Including everything I have ever written, just wrote, or might write in the future

How can she already be EIGHT?

Dani and I had the master plan all lined out.


I would wake her at 6:45 a.m. after decorating the kitchen table for Avery’s birthday. Stack of pancakes with her favorite strawberry syrup, a tall pink champagne flute filled with milk, her birthday t-shirt handmade and ready to swear to school. Dani and I would light the candles, she would wake Avery and bring her out to the table where she would be so surprised and happy!


Dani blew the secret as they were laying in bed last night. I knew she would. Bless Avery’s heart though; she kept it a secret that Dani DIDN’T keep a secret until after the festivities.


And Dani, being Dani, flashed that million dollar smile and said, “What mommy? I was exciiiiiiited!”

Even though Avery’s big birthday bash is tomorrow, today is her actual birthday. Sometimes I forget what it was like to be a kid until I see how excited Avery, smiling ear to ear, is to go to school in her birthday shirt and have all her friends tell her happy birthday.


I can’t believe it has really been eight years…


We met on my best friend’s second date with a new guy. I was not interested in being set up with anyone, had a law class that night, and he was from a town the size of my living room. But she begged me to tag along; I needed an excuse to skip class, so I went. Best friend’s new guy’s friend who I was NOT being set up with was charming, handsome, funny, and…wearing the same shirt he’d had since eighth grade. That is not a typo.


“It’s my favorite shirt. I tore the arm off playing rugby in 9th grade, so my mom patched it and it still fits.”


I thought it was the strangest thing I’d ever heard on a first date until this small town boy with a microbiology degree (seriously, I slept through science in high school and college) shocked me again…


“Did you know a lemon shark has a spiral lung?”


I didn’t have a clue what a lemon shark was, but I knew he had beautiful blue eyes.


Two months later we were head over heels for each other. I was re-learning how to fish with him, riding four wheelers in the mud, watching Toughman on his foldout couch, playing Mario Kart tournaments with all of his friends. But I started getting sleepy too early. Eating like a horse. Skipping workouts at the gym. Missing classes. I was just so unbelievably tired all the time.


When the doctor at the clinic unfolded the test that read positive, the room started spinning. At 23 years old, I was in no way shape or form ready to bear a child. I never thought I wanted children at all, but I had decided that if it happened, it would be much later in life. We stayed up all night, called our families, and finally decided we would move back to his tiny hometown where he could get a job is his field, and we’d be parents.


When I first saw Avery’s face, it all made sense. She was a perfect little mix of our best features. She had my round cheeks, lips and nose with his forehead. She would later be blessed with her dad’s bright blue eyes. Our first night in the hospital she woke up at 2 a.m., finally stirring and opening her eyes. She laid between my legs and stared at the fan while I graced her little head with her first bow. We stared at each other all night, and I knew I would never let anything hurt her and I would always be there for her.


Avery and I have been through so much together in her short eight years of life. Our fairy tale didn’t pan our exactly as I had planned, and there have been many struggles along the way. This beautiful little girl never stops amazing me with her resilience. She is intelligent beyond her years, mature enough to be responsible, but silly enough to act just like a kid. Her personality is fun, interesting, twisted, and sometimes wacky, and she is known by her friends as the crazy one. She is kind to everyone (except her sister at times) and takes care of and looks out for her little sister like a mother hen. She inherited my need to be creative, and makes my jaw drop with some of her creations. Her little mind works in directions most of us cannot possibly go.


I was just a kid when she was born, even though I was 24 years old. She made me grow up, take responsibility, and continue to mature and learn about who I was to be better to her. My love for her made every sacrifice worth it, no matter how stressful or impossible it seemed in the moment. The way she looks at and loves me is so humbling, and I’m sure every mother knows the feeling of at times feeling unworthy of such great adoration from another person.


Avery Clare Smith, you came into my life eight years ago and made me better, stronger, and more loving than I ever thought I could be. Being your mommy has been the greatest joy and source of pride I have ever experienced and there are no words to describe how much I love you. I used to have a list of things I wanted to do in this life, but that has dwindled and one thing is at the top.


Be a great mother to you.


I love you.

Flab to Fab Vol 2 - NUTRITION 101

I

Love

Food

I really, really do. I have had a lifelong love affair with food. I love it's feel, touch, texture, smell, and taste. Food has made me happy when I'm sad, celebrated happy occasions with me, been there for me through my successes and failures. It shows up to every birthday party, funeral, family gathering, and even jumps into my car at 2 a.m. when I've been out with the girls.

Food is ALWAYS there for me and never EVER lets me down.

Except when it somehow creeps onto my butt and thighs.


Sigh.


Growing up, I could eat like a horse and never gain an ounce of weight. I was a dancer, gymnast, athlete, never stopped moving or eating. But in my twenties it began to catch up with me. Late night eating, not enough discipline to exercise regularly, fast food binges on Sunday afternoon. I was young, wild, busy, enjoying life, and my speedy lil metabolism finally decided to teach me a lesson.


It took several years, two children, 100 lbs of fat, lots of Long John Silver's, and a few fad diets for me to FINALLY teach myself about proper nutrition.


And I'll admit, I didn't give an eff about being healthy, I just wanted to look good and fit comfortably in my jeans again.


I read the book, Body For Life, by Bill Phillips. To date, one of the best books I have ever read and one I routinely recommend to anyone interested in changing unhealthy habits and beginning a new lifestyle.


You can see Bill's beautiful body, order the book, and find TONS of truly useful information here...

http://www.bodyforlife.com/

After I lost 100 lbs and started training clients at the gym, I realized where so many personal trainers go wrong, hence giving the profession somewhat of a bad name and also failing to get their clients significant results.

They focus too much on teaching someone how to move weights and not enough time counseling, educating, and asking questions about their diet.

During my first consultation with a new client, the first thing we address is nutrition. The first thing I tell someone, and the first thing I'm telling everyone reading is that what you put into your body is the biggest part of what comes off it in the end.

Repeating.


On a 100% scale of getting a fab body and feeling better internally...


10% is genes

10% is exercise

80% is YOUR DIET


I have consistently been working out hardcore five days a week for four solid years, but if I eat like crap for days on end, my butt will get bigger no matter how hard I am working out.


Now there are exceptions to the rule. Mary Eatsalot who eats anything she wants, doesn't exercise, and never gains a pound. Mitch Musclehead who consumes 5,000 calories per day, doesn't have to do cardio and still stays in fantastic shape. Susie Shapely who has a perfect ten body with great biceps who brags about eating french fries daily.


They are EXCEPTIONS, not the rule. Do not ever let these exceptions fool you into thinking it'll happen to you. Cause unfortunately, most of us have to work at it.

{ Did I mention that if I could pick one superhuman power, it might be to eat anything and everything I wanted without ever gaining a pound? }

One weekend of pigging out on fast food will blow an entire week's worth of exercise.

I fell off the wagon over the holidays. I don't have an excuse, I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but for a two-week span I ate any and everything I wanted. And if you know me at all, you know that a head of lettuce or grilled chicken isn't my definition of "what I wanted."

Maybe it was four years of being really strict with food. Maybe it was the cold weather. Maybe I was tired of watching how much I ate, even at Thanksgiving when everyone else was pigging out. Maybe I didn't want to be able to brag anymore that I had never gained a pound back that I lost.

At any rate, I ate like a ravenous pig and packed five solid pounds onto my already ghetto-fied booty. What I did in the aftermath is what seperates the masses.

I dusted myself off, said, dang that was good...and got right back on it. There is no way that five pounds is staying with me.

But after all those days of eating crap, my body was now craving sugar. Craving bad carbs and gooey fat. My insulin levels were out of whack from not following a proper eating schedule. My stomach was used to eating tons of food in one sitting so I still felt hungry after eating my mini-meals.

Trust me poodles, eating bad food consistently WRECKS your body, but the only way to truly realize that is to change your eating habits.

I started from scratch. Kinda. I borrowed yet another fabulous book from a friend, packed with info I already have in my head, but reading it got me re-focused. I have a new favorite book for anyone who wants to learn about eating great and losing weight...go get it right now.

http://www.eatcleandiet.com/

And goodness, Tosca Reno is just hot and makes me look FORWARD to my forties!

EDUCATE yourself about nutrition. Cause when someone comes in and tells me they eat healthy..."oatmeal cookies and whole milk for breakfast, then I skip lunch, and eat a plateful for dinner"

No excuses. There is one person standing in the way of a better, healthier, more fit version of yourself...

It's YOU!

My 10 Pet Peeves...

I love top ten lists.

Top ten lists are probably on my top ten favorite things list.

It was really, really hard to narrow this list down to only ten things. I'm not sure if that means there are tons of annoying things in the world, or if I am easy to annoy. At any rate...

10. Women who list tanning as a hobby
I have honestly read grown women list tanning as a hobby. Tanning. I can't even wrap my brain around it. I'm speechless.

9. Grown men who live with their parents, have no money or ambition, but dress in $300 glittered Ed Hardy outfits
I believe Pauly D on Jersey Shore said it best when he told the camera that, "what's important is always lookin pimp even if you have no money in yo pocket." Dudes dressing like high maintenance chicks is bad enough. But dressing like a high maintenance chick when you are 35 and still living at home? Loser.

8. People with no personality
I don't care how pretty you are, how great your abs are, or how much money you have, if you have nothing insightful or interesting to say, you are simply taking up space.

7. Drivers who ride my bumper when I'm going 75 mph
Is this the Indy 500?

6. Pretentious snobs
You are not better than anyone else. Enough said.

5. Huge chunks of onion on a cheeseburger
I'm all excited about the burger, I bite in, and hear the crunch of a massive onion that not only makes my eyes water from inside my mouth, but also makes my breath smell like a hot swamp all day...no matter how many times I brush my teeth. Seriously, chop the onions up smaller!

4. Waiting forever on fast food
It's FAST food. "Maam, could you please pull up and wait 6 minutes for your nuggets?"

3. Drunk men who don't take the hint to leave.our.table.
He stumbles up. "Is someone sitting here?" Yes. "Okay." He sits down anyway. Slurs a few pickup lines. No one is even looking at him. He never gets the hint, so I finally have to say, "Um, would you please leave?" He calls me a name. Really? It's my fault you are gross AND dumb?

2. Men who hit on women at the gym
Yes, it's a great place to meet people, but again, take a hint. He stops me, motions for me to remove my headphones to say, "hey, I've been watching you workout, and I think you'd really like the P90X workout." Yes, I've seen it. Thanks. *put my headphones back on* He motions for me to take them off again. FIST PUMP INTO HIS FACE.

1. Panhandlers
I was pretty giving when it was one at Christmastime. But now every major intersection is saturated with a panhandler at every stoplight. How do you decide which one to give your hard-earned dollar to, and more importantly, how do I answer my daughters when they ask, "Mom, why doesn't he just get a job like you?"

The End.